Today's typical working day, my eyes hurt from prolonged staring into pc. Could imagine how much radiation I got daily, just by doing such a harmless act. Today's also noodles day, i ate pan mee for breakfast, wat tan hor for lunch, and finally....nong shim noodles for dinner :P yeah..yeah....everyone will goes like "WTF"/ ruNuts! Well, not my planning, maybe its god's will lol. However, my supper is a big bowl of super nutritious and delicious, just cooked "abc soup" (tomato selling like rm1.59/kg now, miser me :P).
This round is the 2nd pot of abc soup this week! My Rocky (my retriver) also enjoyed it, I mixed the vege fibers&chicken meat with rice and a bit of soup. I just couldn't stop myself from getting into season. Say, garlic is on special, i would also buy lots and start making butter garlic seafood. I would felt happy cuz I got cool deal, well maybe that is women!
back to my title, I am still having terrible back ache now cuz since I reached home from work today, I'd been working non-stop in my garden. Firstly, trim the bonsai-like tree and all creeping vines, sweep and pull weeds until I got 2 big garbage bag of compost (but I do not have compost bin/worm/place/time to convert it into fertiliser). Done with out, now inside garden! Before I could start work, it started to rain really fast and big.Thus gotta giveup and retrive inside my shell to start cooking my soupy and my noodles. Re-watch Bullock's The Proposal, cried again in the end ...sigh...when will i ever grow up!
Now, very happy, entertained and tummy full. So, I proceed to work outside my garden. Clean pond's filter (and this is what made my back aches, while I lift the heavy bin out). I guess when I reach 40s-50s, I could no longer do such chores. Will I have a son to lift it for me then? I always thought I could be young forever, but oh my..the throbbing pain is very very real now still. Why the filter could not cleanse itself? Why such a beautiful landscaping gotta have weeds, and overgrowth bushes which need trimming? Why couldn't it remained where I plotted? Why couldn't everything remained where it should be? Is changes really necessary? Do I need to change my life now?
I'd no idea what had gotten into me. Why I always think about him, some1 i had never meet. Am I getting insane? I felt for him when he's wondering alone in the time I m borned. I wished I could be there to comfort him, but I am must sleeping like a pig while dreaming endlessly. Well, I was born in wee hours, so it supposedly is call dreaming period, so there. I always having dreams. I guess never one day in my life is without dream. All my dreams is not short dream, most is a long story, with many many casts. It's like watching drama in my dream, so I tend to not wanting to get up in the morning due to this reason. Say, the alarm goes off, then I woke up to shut it. Then, if i go back to sleep within 5 mins or so, I will/could continue dreaming the same dream, started where i left it. No wonder even western astrologer deemed me as pyschic and that weird thing/unexplained stuff will most likely happen to me. If I truly have the power, please let the winds tell him to be strong and let the moonshines warm his heart like it does mine. Hope another night, if he has waken up again, the dream will/could lure him back to slumber like it does mine.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
This Life or Afterlife
In this world, there are truly people who worry about afterlife. The question is, do they embrace religion more stubbornly due to the fear of afterlife, or do they worry about the afterlife, then only they start to embrace religion and hoping it could be their savior? There are also another group of people who embrace religion, in hoping to get better life on earth (better money, better love, etc). Truly met such person in person, and he is not ordinary guys, someone loaded with big company. What I understand is, he always make donation to church (well, just to his church k), as the lord help him to reach where he is today. I am told, the more you give, then you will continue receive blessing to to successful. Kinda sound like my mom, but hers is .....donate to temple, burn joystick and attend the ceremony,etc.
Someone ask me recently what my religion is. I think my answer is A. What is A? What it means? Another question from him. My A stand for agnostic theist and also as A in general. Just as food got pyramidal chart to show the importance of different food categories, the A is all of us regardless of race/status/intelligent level below the horizontal line, while higher power deity/angel/messenger/son/mother all contained inside the triangular enclosure. Lastly, THE ONE (no matter under what name each religion wanna call HIM (really HIM? Does he truly have sex organ to differentiate? Everyone always implying THE ONE as a HIM, but how do we know about this? Because the book written by another human (priest/khalifah/king, etc) said so? Wasn't all of these ppl were the authority during their time?
How do you rules a bunch of wild animals? Just like how I exude dominance over my dog to get him to behave. I don't give him treats and I don't pat his head! When I raised my hand pretending to hit him act could always scared him. He'll shield away, or look down because he knew I am angry and when I do, he won't get his treats. This is how exactly authority wanna to create class and status differences, so they could rules with no objections. Those who dare to object will be deemed as disobeying God's will, and those will be purnished. How difference is their tactic over mine, other than they are using on human being and on much larger scale.
What I don't understand is, why human kinds could not merged all religions and be united, rather than now, religions is being used as reason to divide us all. Do everyone here rather believe GOD suddenly so interested in colour and thus create different kinds of dolly to give rise to etnicity? If there is only one Eve and Adam/Hawa dan Adam, how do the colours changes? Wasn't the gene mutation and survival theory much more acceptable? Or maybe people rather believe in GOD & afterlife in order to deal with their fear of the unknown. To think we already got the pre-paid report card (to do good deeds and everything which supposedly order from GOD)before dying is rather soothing to our nerves, thus relieving anxiety.
I got one truly fanatic aunt, who told me straight to the face " if you don't convert to christianity, you will never be saved when THE JUDGEMENT DAY is here, and you will not see me again as I will be in Heaven, while you in Hell". I remember I was young then, but shot her back with "How do you know?Jesus told you personally?If the GOD is truly so blind to threw everyone who hadn't claimed "he/she believe in Jesus and that he died to cleanse us from our sin" into hell, while others whom claimed such but are such bad person for the majority of their time in planet earth , then this is not the GOD I want to know. Nor this is the GOD with full of loves. The same goes for other religion who claimed similar thing, but I cited this example because it happen to be one of my encounter with someone I loved (my dear aunt). I knew she meant well, but I just hated how narrow minded she'd become.
Since kiddo, I goes to her church, read bibles (both sides, hehe I got many Malays friends in school), and also Buddhism docrines when my grandpa died. I cried when I read Virgin Mary stories, and I love Jesus character in the story, so does Siddharta Gautama life and wisdom. I liked them all, so does how I loves Japanese/Chinese/Thai/Western Food. Everything is different, but all is unique in their own right. Of course I did not embrace all blindly. Say, Thai food, I don't like their green curry and their fried moths, so just have tom yam and pandan chicken. I don't like raw squid, but loves salmon and green tea ice cream, so have it! Life is simple, that is why we are being created without the knowledge of cells, and then mitocondrian system within cell, then photon energy firing inside,etc. We are the one who complicate things, making our life much more miserable than it should be.
A friend stated he is getting old, but still want to save more money to buy 2 more properties in which he could not live in. Well, yes..for investment I know but for what? For the remaining 30 yrs of your life here in this life by working all days, and the only "me" time is nice bath and reading someone else inspiration/life? If what you wanted is so simple, then I truly think you could retired now so you read all day long and wait for that day to arrive when you will finally know if there is a HIM or not! Quiet time is not at all boring, but I thought "the one" who danced crazily over loud music should not be varnishing from your life, as he should be still there, able to dance happily over a great happening music at the comfort of his home, in front of a house's hifi. You once wrote the path to heaven is to see things thru a child eyes. To truly be with a child-outlook, you should be able to see the wonder of a single flower and also to dance like zombie if you feel like it. Of course, I could not tell you all these. Hopefully, your GOD will answer the prayers you just said tonight.
Someone ask me recently what my religion is. I think my answer is A. What is A? What it means? Another question from him. My A stand for agnostic theist and also as A in general. Just as food got pyramidal chart to show the importance of different food categories, the A is all of us regardless of race/status/intelligent level below the horizontal line, while higher power deity/angel/messenger/son/mother all contained inside the triangular enclosure. Lastly, THE ONE (no matter under what name each religion wanna call HIM (really HIM? Does he truly have sex organ to differentiate? Everyone always implying THE ONE as a HIM, but how do we know about this? Because the book written by another human (priest/khalifah/king, etc) said so? Wasn't all of these ppl were the authority during their time?
How do you rules a bunch of wild animals? Just like how I exude dominance over my dog to get him to behave. I don't give him treats and I don't pat his head! When I raised my hand pretending to hit him act could always scared him. He'll shield away, or look down because he knew I am angry and when I do, he won't get his treats. This is how exactly authority wanna to create class and status differences, so they could rules with no objections. Those who dare to object will be deemed as disobeying God's will, and those will be purnished. How difference is their tactic over mine, other than they are using on human being and on much larger scale.
What I don't understand is, why human kinds could not merged all religions and be united, rather than now, religions is being used as reason to divide us all. Do everyone here rather believe GOD suddenly so interested in colour and thus create different kinds of dolly to give rise to etnicity? If there is only one Eve and Adam/Hawa dan Adam, how do the colours changes? Wasn't the gene mutation and survival theory much more acceptable? Or maybe people rather believe in GOD & afterlife in order to deal with their fear of the unknown. To think we already got the pre-paid report card (to do good deeds and everything which supposedly order from GOD)before dying is rather soothing to our nerves, thus relieving anxiety.
I got one truly fanatic aunt, who told me straight to the face " if you don't convert to christianity, you will never be saved when THE JUDGEMENT DAY is here, and you will not see me again as I will be in Heaven, while you in Hell". I remember I was young then, but shot her back with "How do you know?Jesus told you personally?If the GOD is truly so blind to threw everyone who hadn't claimed "he/she believe in Jesus and that he died to cleanse us from our sin" into hell, while others whom claimed such but are such bad person for the majority of their time in planet earth , then this is not the GOD I want to know. Nor this is the GOD with full of loves. The same goes for other religion who claimed similar thing, but I cited this example because it happen to be one of my encounter with someone I loved (my dear aunt). I knew she meant well, but I just hated how narrow minded she'd become.
Since kiddo, I goes to her church, read bibles (both sides, hehe I got many Malays friends in school), and also Buddhism docrines when my grandpa died. I cried when I read Virgin Mary stories, and I love Jesus character in the story, so does Siddharta Gautama life and wisdom. I liked them all, so does how I loves Japanese/Chinese/Thai/Western Food. Everything is different, but all is unique in their own right. Of course I did not embrace all blindly. Say, Thai food, I don't like their green curry and their fried moths, so just have tom yam and pandan chicken. I don't like raw squid, but loves salmon and green tea ice cream, so have it! Life is simple, that is why we are being created without the knowledge of cells, and then mitocondrian system within cell, then photon energy firing inside,etc. We are the one who complicate things, making our life much more miserable than it should be.
A friend stated he is getting old, but still want to save more money to buy 2 more properties in which he could not live in. Well, yes..for investment I know but for what? For the remaining 30 yrs of your life here in this life by working all days, and the only "me" time is nice bath and reading someone else inspiration/life? If what you wanted is so simple, then I truly think you could retired now so you read all day long and wait for that day to arrive when you will finally know if there is a HIM or not! Quiet time is not at all boring, but I thought "the one" who danced crazily over loud music should not be varnishing from your life, as he should be still there, able to dance happily over a great happening music at the comfort of his home, in front of a house's hifi. You once wrote the path to heaven is to see things thru a child eyes. To truly be with a child-outlook, you should be able to see the wonder of a single flower and also to dance like zombie if you feel like it. Of course, I could not tell you all these. Hopefully, your GOD will answer the prayers you just said tonight.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I thought
I thought my destiny is knocking on my door,
As early spring weather greeted me with its smiles,
I thought you are going to fullfill all my dreams,
Entwinned in happiness strolling along the street you'd written,
Ending her memories, being overwhelm by mine.
I thought maybe fate meant for me to untangled all connections,
So I could be yours, clear and pure.
I thought maybe I could stirred your heart,
Like the impact of tsunami waves,
Started harmless, gently and soft,
But caused many tornados in your heart.
I thought you are my the other half,
Whom we meant to find in life after being sliced into half,
Maybe that is why we are born with a connecting seven dwafts,
And maybe the reason for us flying free now,
And maybe also the reason we crossed path in world stage.
I thought maybe I think too much,
Fallen too deep into my dreamy world,
Maybe you're just a character I'd made up,
To let myself smiles for a few days,
To find a reason to be happy again.
As early spring weather greeted me with its smiles,
I thought you are going to fullfill all my dreams,
Entwinned in happiness strolling along the street you'd written,
Ending her memories, being overwhelm by mine.
I thought maybe fate meant for me to untangled all connections,
So I could be yours, clear and pure.
I thought maybe I could stirred your heart,
Like the impact of tsunami waves,
Started harmless, gently and soft,
But caused many tornados in your heart.
I thought you are my the other half,
Whom we meant to find in life after being sliced into half,
Maybe that is why we are born with a connecting seven dwafts,
And maybe the reason for us flying free now,
And maybe also the reason we crossed path in world stage.
I thought maybe I think too much,
Fallen too deep into my dreamy world,
Maybe you're just a character I'd made up,
To let myself smiles for a few days,
To find a reason to be happy again.
Friday, March 19, 2010
IS ENDING THE REAL BEGINNING?
I just noticed I always update my blog after my romance page's chapter had been turned. Well, I'd broke up with KS end of last year by gently hinting that the long holiday is our farewell holiday (albeit like the infamous Brad & Jennifer's last holiday b4 break-up). Argg...hate to admit, but what my bff warned me before is right " we are just to different in all aspects"! I do ask myself this, "He is still superb physically, with charming boyish look and cared for me deeply, but why I could not feel safe being with him? Or maybe, I'd finally grow up and accept the truth more readily than before. Realiasing my weaning feeling as the ending, and pain should not be prolonged further for everyone sake, for my biological clock state. Sometimes I do think, could I subconciously added catalyst for this relationship to develop due to my inner desire to be outta from the "decade-long, treasured relationship with J", I means to find a reason to convinced myself to take the step out (well, nothing moves me more than love, as love is what I basically lived for all my life).
The months followed is very hard to bear, having him crying and pleading almost on daily basis. I knew how he felt, he is cancerian as well....so I truly felt like a bastard, but I am also thankful for my decision as also during this time, I saw another side of him. Smashing his head & fist into my wall, screaming at me if I am seeing another man, threatening me if i want to see him dead....etc. I'd never had this kinda scares in my life, other than the robbery case back when I was 8 y/old. I was not afraid for I trust he would not harm me, but smashing his head till there are blood is not something in my list, I felt so at lost. But he never knew, what he did would only draw me further away from him, and I think for good. That is why in every relationship book, they always tell u not to get crazy over lost love/breakup, because if u do lost it, that scene will etched deeply in ur ex mind, and it will definitely be the end. Life is hectic enough to add another maniac drama. If I told my bff this, she will definitely goes "i told u so" so think I could only pour it here. But I am alright now, that is all that matter.
Hope he learned from this experiences and be more mature in dealing with his future break-up. Ironic, isn't it? If guys take breakup too seriously we labelled them as maniac, but if they do it New York style, we call them bastard/heartless. Maybe we only want the maniac one to be the one we still want, while the heartless one to be the one we no longer want to be associated with.
The months followed is very hard to bear, having him crying and pleading almost on daily basis. I knew how he felt, he is cancerian as well....so I truly felt like a bastard, but I am also thankful for my decision as also during this time, I saw another side of him. Smashing his head & fist into my wall, screaming at me if I am seeing another man, threatening me if i want to see him dead....etc. I'd never had this kinda scares in my life, other than the robbery case back when I was 8 y/old. I was not afraid for I trust he would not harm me, but smashing his head till there are blood is not something in my list, I felt so at lost. But he never knew, what he did would only draw me further away from him, and I think for good. That is why in every relationship book, they always tell u not to get crazy over lost love/breakup, because if u do lost it, that scene will etched deeply in ur ex mind, and it will definitely be the end. Life is hectic enough to add another maniac drama. If I told my bff this, she will definitely goes "i told u so" so think I could only pour it here. But I am alright now, that is all that matter.
Hope he learned from this experiences and be more mature in dealing with his future break-up. Ironic, isn't it? If guys take breakup too seriously we labelled them as maniac, but if they do it New York style, we call them bastard/heartless. Maybe we only want the maniac one to be the one we still want, while the heartless one to be the one we no longer want to be associated with.
Longing
Missing you, though we never meet,
Wondering how I could fall for the words you'd inscribed on world stage,
Isn't love started from the shines?
The actual moment of locked eyes?
If so, why my heart aches,
Throbbing pain without seeing the smoothen dawn?
This fragile heart, started to dream before you'd ever knew its existance,
As Cinderella walking into palace, trying to vows your attention,
The shoe slip act locked her into the dreamscape,
Till her slumber goes deeper and deeper,
But the Prince no longer holding the glass,
Nor whispering his affection,
Maybe it's just a dream, or
Snow White ending is truly on the play,
Or maybe, hopefully,
The Prince is the real Sleeping Beauty in disguise.
Wondering how I could fall for the words you'd inscribed on world stage,
Isn't love started from the shines?
The actual moment of locked eyes?
If so, why my heart aches,
Throbbing pain without seeing the smoothen dawn?
This fragile heart, started to dream before you'd ever knew its existance,
As Cinderella walking into palace, trying to vows your attention,
The shoe slip act locked her into the dreamscape,
Till her slumber goes deeper and deeper,
But the Prince no longer holding the glass,
Nor whispering his affection,
Maybe it's just a dream, or
Snow White ending is truly on the play,
Or maybe, hopefully,
The Prince is the real Sleeping Beauty in disguise.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A NEW BEGINNING
Fast forward one year since my last entry....I am finally with him! Life is weird and unpredictable/could be alter based on your own willpower. I broke up with my bf before this CNY2009. Thus I no longer need to face his mother anymore. In fact, I spent most of my CNY at Port Dickson, happy and excited. In all horoscope reading (chinese one), forecasted Goat will have a bad year, but as far as I am concerned, it's one enlightened one. Futhermore, with him, my KS by my side, though undercover, but my outlook for this year couldn't be that bad.
Funny though, KS is a rabbit, so this year is equally bad for him. But maybe this pairing offset the bad luck. like negative + negative =positive stuff! I read somewhere that goat and rabbit is a very very good match, with intense feeling & sexuality. So far, I think this is very very true. The love-making is ecstatic, like its never enough.
We are happy, but very stressed out and in deep pressure to keep our relationship underwrap for many many reasons. I could've imagine how my family and relative will react if they found out about us.
Funny though, KS is a rabbit, so this year is equally bad for him. But maybe this pairing offset the bad luck. like negative + negative =positive stuff! I read somewhere that goat and rabbit is a very very good match, with intense feeling & sexuality. So far, I think this is very very true. The love-making is ecstatic, like its never enough.
We are happy, but very stressed out and in deep pressure to keep our relationship underwrap for many many reasons. I could've imagine how my family and relative will react if they found out about us.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
New Year..Good Start...got interrupted!
From 30th night dinner to 3rd day, my life is still good....received confirmation call for projects and jobs, even during holiday. My bf protesting why cny also bz, but for me is good news as it did not interfere with my daily cny schedule but lifted my mood tremendeously. I wish he knew how good it really feel.
Everyone say I got good year ahead....as I have good gambling luck ...earn abit at granny place, friend and bf's relative place, but on the 4th....everything seems so bad, just the the good egg on your shelf suddenly turn bad....emitting bad odour. And this scenario really taken you by surprise...well...not the good kind.
On the 4th day, we have White Coffee cafe breakfast/lunch, then proceed to his aunt's place nearby. Then plan to eat dinner, and of course the idea of visiting our new place came up, but the mum always making serious protest, saying why go so far, just eat at one eatery nearby (which is the same place everytime plan to have dinner together , and that is so lame....ello....could you come up with somewhere more exciting....on CNY?). But of course, what do I know, the main point is not having somewhere far or near, she is protesting against goin to our place, saying go for what, etc. Well, since one the uncle insisting on visit so we all kinda agreed to have dinner nearby our place (young and old one as well..as never have it there..and is fun to try new restaurant). Then you see this rotten face again, but hell....I don't really give a damn as I don't even bother to look at her. But of course my spirit is high..and I smile throughout cny.
Good dinner, though the food could use more seasoning. High price but what the heck, is cny right. Then we proceed going to our home with 2 more cars following us closely. Well, same response as per our friend, good decor,etc. The main thing is enjoy sitting on the sofa and enjoying the av, and another uncle waiting to play mahjong. Then suddenly, the mum went crazy by screaming asking them to leave....that is late, next time you guys can come and slowly appreciate . Two families there....7 pax ..and we are enjoying their company as we are all talking in the living room happily at that time. His cousin lamented that we just got here, and the mum keep on repeating want to go home ...late and this and that. And someone ask her why so soon and I think she answered her other son (bf's step brother) about to return from jb (well, he went there since 2nd day to visit the gf) and also the husband. Duh...then ask them to come and fetch you. I means is rude to chase other ppl to fetch u home when that person is meant to stay, and this person has the whole family with him. Then I think I hear the someone complain why she need to be home as the time is only 10pm plus. And the next word....the elder son now fur and wings....can fly already, so she has to take care of the 2 men at home lah.... Later I found out that bf is not there at that moment as he already went out to get the car to show them the way out. I heard it as I am just right there at the door. maybe it's meant for me to hear , but I think she just pass the line. The aunts and uncles look at her wih wide eyes and open mouth, then turn the gase on me. I just manage to smile unwillingly, but now, I think i should shouted to her that I AM THE ONE NOT WILLING LET U SOME LIVE WITH US.....NOT YOUR POOR SANDWICHED SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't....maybe it's good to be able to keep my temper down, anyway, she look very over with her kinds of attitude.
Right on that moment, bf uncle and cousin ask me join them play mahjong at their house, since they don't get the chance to play just now. We did went, and the mum climb on the aunt's car, forcing the aun;t s children to ride on another uncle's car, so she made it clear that she is against us. But i think she is always do thing to inconvenience other ppl for her own preferences. I the way she shouted her anger on our doorstep signify this is a very calculative person. Definitely not a role model for buddhism and not teaching of buddhism as she claimed she has high knowledge on. Later i told bf about this as he did not know what happen. Her aunt's just told us later that the mum very noisy in their car on the rides back, blasting her eay drum non stop. Well, not the first time she bad mounted us..or maybe ME only...but really I don't care as long as I do not need to live with her.
When I told bf what happened, he sighed and went into this deep thinking, but quiet mode again. And asked me why must be this way...why can't we two be good to each another, saying he in between us very difficult. I asked him did he forgotten how she and the step family treated him b4? And he say what is gone cannot be calculated, should only think about future. What????? Whatever experience u have living with them, all the heartache is nothing? I tell him, it has been 8 years we did not stay with them.....since that day, the day they treated bf cruely, and will they really changed and be this angelic family member? Everything we did throughout the years, working hard, saving money and finally owning our warm nest, and now you expect me to just give in to your difficult mum until the day she died...probably another 20- 30years later??? Y would I put myself in such pitiful situation and constantly being tortured by such person. Wasn't my goal or anyone else goal in life to be happy always....longest possible? Why would my bf asking me to bear with the mum and ask me to suffer until the day she died....so that she could have nice ending in her life story.....while me miserable. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!I cried alots .....so I got terrible eyes the next day at work. Only slept for like 2 hrs or less......so head is spinning crazy now. he asked me why, I just say, why our love story always have problem from day 1???? he say not us..its him....his life.I also criedn because at the end..he still hope to change his mum fanatic ways and thinking, and could finally all stay together with his step dad and bro.Duh..............do you not see the main reason for me to shed tears......not because of the evil woman , but you who not willing to protect me when i did the same to you every now and then , not willing to let go of the mommy' boy tittle. Maybe..this is not his life...but is my curse for ignoring my parent's advise for him.
Everyone say I got good year ahead....as I have good gambling luck ...earn abit at granny place, friend and bf's relative place, but on the 4th....everything seems so bad, just the the good egg on your shelf suddenly turn bad....emitting bad odour. And this scenario really taken you by surprise...well...not the good kind.
On the 4th day, we have White Coffee cafe breakfast/lunch, then proceed to his aunt's place nearby. Then plan to eat dinner, and of course the idea of visiting our new place came up, but the mum always making serious protest, saying why go so far, just eat at one eatery nearby (which is the same place everytime plan to have dinner together , and that is so lame....ello....could you come up with somewhere more exciting....on CNY?). But of course, what do I know, the main point is not having somewhere far or near, she is protesting against goin to our place, saying go for what, etc. Well, since one the uncle insisting on visit so we all kinda agreed to have dinner nearby our place (young and old one as well..as never have it there..and is fun to try new restaurant). Then you see this rotten face again, but hell....I don't really give a damn as I don't even bother to look at her. But of course my spirit is high..and I smile throughout cny.
Good dinner, though the food could use more seasoning. High price but what the heck, is cny right. Then we proceed going to our home with 2 more cars following us closely. Well, same response as per our friend, good decor,etc. The main thing is enjoy sitting on the sofa and enjoying the av, and another uncle waiting to play mahjong. Then suddenly, the mum went crazy by screaming asking them to leave....that is late, next time you guys can come and slowly appreciate . Two families there....7 pax ..and we are enjoying their company as we are all talking in the living room happily at that time. His cousin lamented that we just got here, and the mum keep on repeating want to go home ...late and this and that. And someone ask her why so soon and I think she answered her other son (bf's step brother) about to return from jb (well, he went there since 2nd day to visit the gf) and also the husband. Duh...then ask them to come and fetch you. I means is rude to chase other ppl to fetch u home when that person is meant to stay, and this person has the whole family with him. Then I think I hear the someone complain why she need to be home as the time is only 10pm plus. And the next word....the elder son now fur and wings....can fly already, so she has to take care of the 2 men at home lah.... Later I found out that bf is not there at that moment as he already went out to get the car to show them the way out. I heard it as I am just right there at the door. maybe it's meant for me to hear , but I think she just pass the line. The aunts and uncles look at her wih wide eyes and open mouth, then turn the gase on me. I just manage to smile unwillingly, but now, I think i should shouted to her that I AM THE ONE NOT WILLING LET U SOME LIVE WITH US.....NOT YOUR POOR SANDWICHED SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't....maybe it's good to be able to keep my temper down, anyway, she look very over with her kinds of attitude.
Right on that moment, bf uncle and cousin ask me join them play mahjong at their house, since they don't get the chance to play just now. We did went, and the mum climb on the aunt's car, forcing the aun;t s children to ride on another uncle's car, so she made it clear that she is against us. But i think she is always do thing to inconvenience other ppl for her own preferences. I the way she shouted her anger on our doorstep signify this is a very calculative person. Definitely not a role model for buddhism and not teaching of buddhism as she claimed she has high knowledge on. Later i told bf about this as he did not know what happen. Her aunt's just told us later that the mum very noisy in their car on the rides back, blasting her eay drum non stop. Well, not the first time she bad mounted us..or maybe ME only...but really I don't care as long as I do not need to live with her.
When I told bf what happened, he sighed and went into this deep thinking, but quiet mode again. And asked me why must be this way...why can't we two be good to each another, saying he in between us very difficult. I asked him did he forgotten how she and the step family treated him b4? And he say what is gone cannot be calculated, should only think about future. What????? Whatever experience u have living with them, all the heartache is nothing? I tell him, it has been 8 years we did not stay with them.....since that day, the day they treated bf cruely, and will they really changed and be this angelic family member? Everything we did throughout the years, working hard, saving money and finally owning our warm nest, and now you expect me to just give in to your difficult mum until the day she died...probably another 20- 30years later??? Y would I put myself in such pitiful situation and constantly being tortured by such person. Wasn't my goal or anyone else goal in life to be happy always....longest possible? Why would my bf asking me to bear with the mum and ask me to suffer until the day she died....so that she could have nice ending in her life story.....while me miserable. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!I cried alots .....so I got terrible eyes the next day at work. Only slept for like 2 hrs or less......so head is spinning crazy now. he asked me why, I just say, why our love story always have problem from day 1???? he say not us..its him....his life.I also criedn because at the end..he still hope to change his mum fanatic ways and thinking, and could finally all stay together with his step dad and bro.Duh..............do you not see the main reason for me to shed tears......not because of the evil woman , but you who not willing to protect me when i did the same to you every now and then , not willing to let go of the mommy' boy tittle. Maybe..this is not his life...but is my curse for ignoring my parent's advise for him.
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