IS ENDING THE REAL BEGINNING?

I just noticed I always update my blog after my romance page's chapter had been turned. Well, I'd broke up with KS end of last year by gently hinting that the long holiday is our farewell holiday (albeit like the infamous Brad & Jennifer's last holiday b4 break-up). Argg...hate to admit, but what my bff warned me before is right " we are just to different in all aspects"! I do ask myself this, "He is still superb physically, with charming boyish look and cared for me deeply, but why I could not feel safe being with him? Or maybe, I'd finally grow up and accept the truth more readily than before. Realiasing my weaning feeling as the ending, and pain should not be prolonged further for everyone sake, for my biological clock state. Sometimes I do think, could I subconciously added catalyst for this relationship to develop due to my inner desire to be outta from the "decade-long, treasured relationship with J", I means to find a reason to convinced myself to take the step out (well, nothing moves me more than love, as love is what I basically lived for all my life).

The months followed is very hard to bear, having him crying and pleading almost on daily basis. I knew how he felt, he is cancerian as well....so I truly felt like a bastard, but I am also thankful for my decision as also during this time, I saw another side of him. Smashing his head & fist into my wall, screaming at me if I am seeing another man, threatening me if i want to see him dead....etc. I'd never had this kinda scares in my life, other than the robbery case back when I was 8 y/old. I was not afraid for I trust he would not harm me, but smashing his head till there are blood is not something in my list, I felt so at lost. But he never knew, what he did would only draw me further away from him, and I think for good. That is why in every relationship book, they always tell u not to get crazy over lost love/breakup, because if u do lost it, that scene will etched deeply in ur ex mind, and it will definitely be the end. Life is hectic enough to add another maniac drama. If I told my bff this, she will definitely goes "i told u so" so think I could only pour it here. But I am alright now, that is all that matter.

Hope he learned from this experiences and be more mature in dealing with his future break-up. Ironic, isn't it? If guys take breakup too seriously we labelled them as maniac, but if they do it New York style, we call them bastard/heartless. Maybe we only want the maniac one to be the one we still want, while the heartless one to be the one we no longer want to be associated with.

Longing

Missing you, though we never meet,
Wondering how I could fall for the words you'd inscribed on world stage,
Isn't love started from the shines?
The actual moment of locked eyes?
If so, why my heart aches,
Throbbing pain without seeing the smoothen dawn?

This fragile heart, started to dream before you'd ever knew its existance,
As Cinderella walking into palace, trying to vows your attention,
The shoe slip act locked her into the dreamscape,
Till her slumber goes deeper and deeper,
But the Prince no longer holding the glass,
Nor whispering his affection,
Maybe it's just a dream, or
Snow White ending is truly on the play,
Or maybe, hopefully,
The Prince is the real Sleeping Beauty in disguise.