What would a girl consider as a good candidate for future life partner?
Long ago, that is only one thing in my mind, which determined if he is the one. The shining moment; the actual moment of locked eyes, the overwhelming feeling of sudden connection. I got that in my teen era, with Alvin, Richard, AMK. But when I probe deeper, it's just a crush at first, later on with the little things that they do, then only you'd have more touching gestures/memories which resulted in more connection. And having the most connections is Alvin, which maybe explained why he won my heart outta all of them. But, with him, the 1st locked eyes moment wasn't at all mesmerising (as compared to AMK/Richard). I remembered the moment I realised I am in love with this man is on the day I forgot the date with him, with him outside the cinema with his bunch of pals, and as I walked pass with my gf, our eyes locked for a moment, and even we are at a distance, I could felt the sorrows radiated from his eyes....across the street, I felt a sudden pain in my heart, feeling his sorrowful gazes, feeling his pain, and my heart is raining too...for this connection alone...my heart had been stolen for years to come....until he passed away. But his influence in my life doesn't end there, as my next 2 choices directly linked to him/caused by similarities with him.
So, was it not the 1st moment of locked eyes? It's actually any moment...happening after some courtship/certain memories of togetherness/some touching things he did for you.
There are a big leap in my connection with Young on Sunday, 23rd Aug '10. To be exact, it's 22nd past midnight, so it's really 23rd. We chatted over the phone for long, and with lotsa confessions. It's sweet, as for someone so level-headed like him, to spend time until 4.30am talking bs with a girl he have not even meet for real, and the next day he supposed to wake up early for one outstation trip. Sometimes, this irrelevant things etched into a girl's mind deeply. Well, maybe not just any man, just maybe the one the girl's held near her heart. Meet many men who will stayed up until wee hours daily, just to wait for me to come online. Meet also few who will marry me just after 1-2 months of deep chatting and after meeting me for one date (for the past 4 mth, 3 out of 3). But of course, after 1st date, it's the end for me as there are no magical 1st shining moment. Young told me he felt pressured as I told him about wanna to see his eyes...before commit into starting a relationship. He told me, it's so abstract, as it's not something he could do/work on to make it work. Yeah...cuz it will just be based solely on my intuition if there are connection/sparks. I dunno what it's with him, he always seems to make me listen to his reasoning, see his points and usually it's a valid one. Maybe that means, his down to earth and constant objective analysing abilities might be what pico prawn needed to come down the earth and not always in her idealised/dreamy state.
I do have doubts with him, as in both astrology fiels (chinese /western), we are not compatible. But what do i really know, all my ex is somewhat compatible with me, but what does that lead? Still does not last until eternity...so what is the point of just comparing reading estimated by some wise people in the past? But when I probed deeper, as I don't understand why we are so incompatible but we seems so good to each another. Why we are drawn together? Even from the 1st chat, though not exactly flowery one, but it's so natural...so open. Then I found out yesterday, that me and him, though ruled by two incompatible planet, but we both have special 2-planets ruled birth date. U see, in each zodiac, mostly ruled by one planet. Say majority cancerian will be ruled only by moon. But there are about 30days in each zodiac groups, and certain date might be ruled by 2 planets, hence not every cancerian are alike. This if taken with other combination like the many house affecting everyone born in different date and hours, this create a unique personality to each person. Back to him, we both shared the same ruler planet, the SUN. His, the aquarian typical ruler and sun, while me typical cancerian moon and also the sun. What brought us together is the sun ruler. That is why we could connect/able to mingle at ease. I do have other doubt, as he might not be so in-tune with the sensitivity needed to protect my heart, my fragile, sensitive heart. I guess what he sees is the tough exterior of mine, a strong and independant woman. But what I am also deep inside, its a child who needed protection and love. How do I shed my tough exterior for him to see the softer side of me, so we won't waste each other time, say if he discover it late, then only realising I am not the serious mature woman he been looking for? I tried to tell him that i m also a childish one, but how can I let him see my inner self when I just meet him for the first time, when my guard could only be down after knowing someone for long. How do I forced myself to shed the barrier instantly for a stranger? This is tricky, forcing a crab to remove the shell, exposing its soft flesh...to a stranger.
Maybe I should not be bothered too much...as i am the moon and the sun, and who else could have this soft n sunny combination with a kindred heart and smart and fastidious brain :P....should just let everything take its own course. If he couldn't see through the "always serious &mature" mode as boring, then I think we could not clicked well for long term as well. Being me, myself...should just show him instead of what a great child-like outlook could do to revitalised life....injecting curiosity and silliness into ritualised & typical life. Showing him what he's missed not knowing the special moon-sun ruled special creature named pico prawn :)
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