Puppy, Kitten or Bunny?

Puppy, Kitten or Bunny? I come across this cutie when getting some supplies from aquarium store. Stupid N96 not good for pictures......maybe gonna get SE satio for best visual in da future.

3.55pm :Very hungry now, only had one 150g fruity yogurt since awakening! Wanna go out find food but raining heavily.....and its getting heavier...looks like those ppl termed as "long life rain"....so no luck. However, there are leftover cake (in frozen dept) from CNY.....well...look ok...but very hard, no choice gonna munch on it.

Looks at the ice flakes....it actually felt like no-taste corn flakes in between the sweet dough. I wonder if those survivors who have to eat frozen human flesh in the artic does have similar experiences (u know, the frozen water molecules in between layers of our flesh). Ok, that is a bit disgusting, considering I am eating now :P


Today, just finished sorting 1st box of documents. What documents? Invoices, bills, C&D notes, etc for 2009 audit. Well, wasn't that supposed to be done throughout 2009? Yes, that is the job for a full time account clerk, but we don't have any..sigh! Then what did i do for 2009? Doing sales, visiting/supervising/working on project site, handling monthly bills & payment, payroll for 25 staffs, finalising previous years account for taxation purpose, etc. Weird jobs list right? I am ok, since i a multi-talented and multi-tasker :x not shy at all..hehehe! I am like that all my life, like during big examination in secondary school, i could listen to walkman (yeah my era) while eyes reading at laser speed across the data on books. All these while my mouth either munching on something or singing along to the song I m listening to. Everyone in my family scolded me for not concentrating, to which I shut them all up by bringing back all As (and that era is not like the A u seen nowadays as even my little bro could get a pass on his BM even though his level is not even Form 1). Wonder truly what happen to our education system..sigh!

What i a trying to say is, these is ok for me to handle but after almost 9-10yrs I am getting really bored already. Whenever me getting bored is not a good sign as things could turn 180degree from there on for me. There seems to be an on or off function logic inside of me. When i am on...it could be on indefinitely, but when it went off.....there is no way u could turn it back on. This is not a good traits, as human must keep everything in moderation. I am preparing my little brother to take over my job, so in the coming future I could be free from this routine. But then, what shall i do? Yeah.....starting my aqua business, starting a family, preparing to go around the world before dying...well that should be fine. Beside, i only got like another 30-40yrs to live (if i am lucky la)..haha but every sifu calculated I got long life :P

Rains stopped! But I am already full from the super super sweet cake...yuck! I am a salt person, that is why I only like to bake cheese cake (during its "on" time, my relatives and bf urges me to open cake shop as they claimed mine is better than Secret R....and I do agree :P)....could not stand truly super sweet thing! Better start keying in the data now!

Strangers

Today, late to work as usual hahahaha! Having a big lunch today, but could not finish the big and juicy bbq chicken (drum&thigh) cuz kinda sick of chicken nowadays. Been having it like daily, for Rocky sake (doc say beef causes his allergic reaction, so only could get chickie, pork, fish (expensive la). However, finishes today's schedule on time, but my eyes are blurry at the end of the day and I think my headache coming back too (focused too long on the screen give me this problem). Visited bank about 3pm, and this is when strange thing happen. While waiting for the other car to come outta the parking space, an old lady pull her bicycle near my window and smile at me with the kindest eyes. Of course, I flashes my sweetest smile to her in return. Then right after I parked my car, and going to cross the road. A uncle sitting on his van, window down, while waiting for his turn on the road suddenly call out to me "be careful" with  sincere tones. I just looked up at him and smiles again. Seems like nuthin right, why would I make such a fuss here. So irrelevant and uninteresting! But these two old soul made me wanna smile to everyone afterward, like its such a wonder what this little gestures means and made my day seems more happier.


Well, the rest is pretty normal. rained heavily before I left for yoga class. Stuck in jam (due to accident involving 3 cars kinda collided into each other). Thus, I am late again....kinda embarressed! Imagine, whole class started  and u just bang in, making noises, etc. Drop by Jusco afterward to get some fresh veggie...outta stock again! Should definitely drop by Tesco soon as it's cheaper and got much more varieties.


Overcooked again tonight, could not finished and the vege its a bit too salty for Rocky, so go to waste again. Something seriously wrong with me, could yoga decreses one's appetite? Or maybe missing him is the culprit? Hope his sore throat geting better, and bet he meet some sexy gals in bikini during swimming session today. Arrggggg....stop it please, none of your business you know? It's his life, and it's not intersecting with yours ever!Better get some beauty sleep.....tomorrow might go town do business and get some shopping therapy!
   

Pond working again!

Hohooooooohhahhahahaha yahoo! I am done fixing my filter, lighting, mister and design another system to store all non waterproof "equipment" outdoor next to my beloved fiberglass waterfall. Not easy as the position just fit my garden, making it hard to reach power points area. Also, gotto check one by one item to know which thing went kaput. This means everything which i throw away is likely to be in good condition....except the stupid motor for the filter. U see, all this cable got tangled up (by my initial contractor), so to speed things up, i just cut all items which i thought burned already. Damn, I was tricked by another hidden pump connected to the filter by a separate power point! How come the filter (well, a bin like big filter for my pond size) doesn't work on its own? There are another big pump which utilise another cable, which is connected to others items 9such as mister, lighting,etc). So, during my inspection, I only thought one power plug for the filter. Therefore, when everything still not working after testing, so of course i think all malfunction, except the filter.

So, in total now, the whole system utilising 2 big pump, 1 bin filter, 1 mister and 3 lights! Hope my fishy will be happy now, I found out 2 sets of bones inside the cloudy water...so rest in peace big koi! Hmm,, abandoned their home for like 2 months already, and as punishment, my hands all wrinkled up now and with at least 3 surface cuts as most cable hidden within bushes and hard to reach area. And my back, aching badly now....god! Hope this maintainance works will last for at least 2 yrs...sigh!

Clean and feed Rocky with the ever tasty abc soup with lotsa lotsa chicken neck bones (economical and soft due to the wonder fo pressure cooker)! I think if I could keep on with this kinda diet for him for 2 months, I am sure he will gain weight since he is super choosy with his food. Didn't eat the kibble yesterday, so I threatened him if he didn't finish it, he wont get to eat the aromatic soup and its content. U c, with children you could lure with games, cartoon, buy toys,etc. But with Rocky, you could only lure him with food, his favourite food! How inconvenience cuz most of his fav food which is healthy enough must be prepare by me, his faithful slave! This is the payback time for enjoying his first cute 2 yrs, well the joy he bring when he is damn tiny and cuddly :)


Didn't hear from him at all, but this silly girl still daydreaming of him every waking moments. I think it's better to fall for god, as well.....at least you could read his stories everywhere as there are never ending supplies of book about Him. But now, this, a mere mortal, someone I don't even know how his voice sound like, is just fanatism at its worst. Maybe he'd someone in his heart, just like how I keep him in mine. I checked back, his posts before my existence talk about someone who make his heart beats stronger whenever she is online, someone he's never meet, someone he dream of making love with. Maybe that someone already existed before me, and he is playing it safe, going slow, awaiting the day when he would finally meet her. And now, this past week has been their actual dating days, their treasured encounter. Maybe I should wish him luck...from faraway....so he won't have to awaken at wee hours to walk alone in the park to clear his mind. Maybe then, he could be awaken by stress, but having someone laying next to him. Someone he could hugs and kisses, and go back to sleep with a smile on his face. Maybe then, me too, will be contented, knowing this and having smile on my face but with tears rolling down my cheek when i go to sleep

Part-time night gardener

Today's typical working day, my eyes hurt from prolonged staring into pc. Could imagine how much radiation I got daily, just by doing such a harmless act. Today's also noodles day, i ate pan mee for breakfast, wat tan hor for lunch, and finally....nong shim noodles for dinner :P yeah..yeah....everyone will goes like "WTF"/ ruNuts! Well, not my planning, maybe its god's will lol. However, my supper is a big bowl of super nutritious and delicious, just cooked "abc soup" (tomato selling like rm1.59/kg now, miser me :P).


This round is the 2nd pot of abc soup this week! My Rocky (my retriver) also enjoyed it, I mixed the vege fibers&chicken meat with rice and a bit of soup. I just couldn't stop myself from getting into season. Say, garlic is on special, i would also buy lots and start making butter garlic seafood. I would felt happy cuz I got cool deal, well maybe that is women!


back to my title, I am still having terrible back ache now cuz since I reached home from work today, I'd been working non-stop in my garden. Firstly, trim the bonsai-like tree and all creeping vines, sweep and pull weeds until I got 2 big garbage bag of compost (but I do not have compost bin/worm/place/time to convert it into fertiliser). Done with out, now inside garden! Before I could start work, it started to rain really fast and big.Thus gotta giveup and retrive inside my shell to start cooking my soupy and my noodles. Re-watch Bullock's The Proposal, cried again in the end ...sigh...when will i ever grow up!


Now, very happy, entertained and tummy full. So, I proceed to work outside my garden. Clean pond's filter (and this is what made my back aches, while I lift the heavy bin out). I guess when I reach 40s-50s, I could no longer do such chores. Will I have a son to lift it for me then? I always thought I could be young forever, but oh my..the throbbing pain is very very real now still. Why the filter could not cleanse itself? Why such a beautiful landscaping gotta have weeds, and overgrowth bushes which need trimming? Why couldn't it remained where I plotted? Why couldn't everything remained where it should be? Is changes really necessary? Do I need to change my life now?


I'd no idea what had gotten into me. Why I always think about him, some1 i had never meet. Am I getting insane? I felt for him when he's wondering alone in the time I m borned. I wished I could be there to comfort him, but I am must sleeping like a pig while dreaming endlessly. Well, I was born in wee hours, so it supposedly is call dreaming period, so there. I always having dreams. I guess never one day in my life is without dream. All my dreams is not short dream, most is a long story, with many many casts. It's like watching drama in my dream, so I tend to not wanting to get up in the morning due to this reason. Say, the alarm goes off, then I woke up to shut it. Then, if i go back to sleep within 5 mins or so, I will/could continue dreaming the same dream, started where i left it. No wonder even western astrologer deemed me as pyschic and that weird thing/unexplained stuff will most likely happen to me. If I truly have the power, please let the winds tell him to be strong and let the moonshines warm his heart like it does mine. Hope another night, if he has waken up again, the dream will/could lure him back to slumber like it does mine.

This Life or Afterlife

In this world, there are truly people who worry about afterlife. The question is, do they embrace religion more stubbornly due to the fear of afterlife, or do they worry about the afterlife, then only they start to embrace religion and hoping it could be their savior? There are also another group of people who embrace religion, in hoping to get better life on earth (better money, better love, etc). Truly met such person in person, and he is not ordinary guys, someone loaded with big company. What I understand is, he always make donation to church (well, just to his church k), as the lord help him to reach where he is today. I am told, the more you give, then you will continue receive blessing to to successful. Kinda sound like my mom, but hers is .....donate to temple, burn joystick and attend the ceremony,etc.

Someone ask me recently what my religion is. I think my answer is A. What is A? What it means? Another question from him. My A stand for agnostic theist and also as A in general. Just as food got pyramidal chart to show the importance of different food categories, the A is all of us regardless of race/status/intelligent level below the horizontal line, while higher power deity/angel/messenger/son/mother all contained inside the triangular enclosure. Lastly, THE ONE (no matter under what name each religion wanna call HIM (really HIM? Does he truly have sex organ to differentiate? Everyone always implying THE ONE as a HIM, but how do we know about this? Because the book written by another human (priest/khalifah/king, etc) said so? Wasn't all of these ppl were the authority during their time?


How do you rules a bunch of wild animals? Just like how I exude dominance over my dog to get him to behave. I don't give him treats and I don't pat his head! When I raised my hand pretending to hit him act could always scared him. He'll shield away, or look down because he knew I am angry and when I do, he won't get his treats. This is how exactly authority wanna to create class and status differences, so they could rules with no objections. Those who dare to object will be deemed as disobeying God's will, and those will be purnished. How difference is their tactic over mine, other than they are using on human being and on much larger scale.


What I don't understand is, why human kinds could not merged all religions and be united, rather than now, religions is being used as reason to divide us all. Do everyone here rather believe GOD suddenly so interested in colour and thus create different kinds of dolly to give rise to etnicity? If there is only one Eve and Adam/Hawa dan Adam, how do the colours changes? Wasn't the gene mutation and survival theory much more acceptable? Or maybe people rather believe in GOD & afterlife in order to deal with their fear of the unknown. To think we already got the pre-paid report card (to do good deeds and everything which supposedly order from GOD)before dying is rather soothing to our nerves, thus relieving anxiety.



I got one truly fanatic aunt, who told me straight to the face " if you don't convert to christianity, you will never be saved when THE JUDGEMENT DAY is here, and you will not see me again as I will be in Heaven, while you in Hell". I remember I was young then, but shot her back with "How do you know?Jesus told you personally?If the GOD is truly so blind to threw everyone who hadn't claimed "he/she believe in Jesus and that he died to cleanse us from our sin" into hell, while others whom claimed such but are such bad person for the majority of their time in planet earth , then this is not the GOD I want to know. Nor this is the GOD with full of loves. The same goes for other religion who claimed similar thing, but I cited this example because it happen to be one of my encounter with someone I loved (my dear aunt). I knew she meant well, but I just hated how narrow minded she'd become.


Since kiddo, I goes to her church, read bibles (both sides, hehe I got many Malays friends in school), and also Buddhism docrines when my grandpa died. I cried when I read Virgin Mary stories, and I love Jesus character in the story, so does Siddharta Gautama life and wisdom. I liked them all, so does how I loves Japanese/Chinese/Thai/Western Food. Everything is different, but all is unique in their own right. Of course I did not embrace all blindly. Say, Thai food, I don't like their green curry and their fried moths, so just have tom yam and pandan chicken. I don't like raw squid, but loves salmon and green tea ice cream, so have it! Life is simple, that is why we are being created without the knowledge of cells, and then mitocondrian system within cell, then photon energy firing inside,etc. We are the one who complicate things, making our life much more miserable than it should be.


A friend stated he is getting old, but still want to save more money to buy 2 more properties in which he could not live in. Well, yes..for investment I know but for what? For the remaining 30 yrs of your life here in this life by working all days, and the only "me" time is nice bath and reading someone else inspiration/life? If what you wanted is so simple, then I truly think you could retired now so you read all day long and wait for that day to arrive when you will finally know if there is a HIM or not! Quiet time is not at all boring, but I thought "the one" who danced crazily over loud music should not be varnishing from your life, as he should be still there, able to dance happily over a great happening music at the comfort of his home, in front of a house's hifi. You once wrote the path to heaven is to see things thru a child eyes. To truly be with a child-outlook, you should be able to see the wonder of a single flower and also to dance like zombie if you feel like it. Of course, I could not tell you all these. Hopefully, your GOD will answer the prayers you just said tonight.

I thought

I thought my destiny is knocking on my door,
As early spring weather greeted me with its smiles,
I thought you are going to fullfill all my dreams,
Entwinned in happiness strolling along the street you'd written,
Ending her memories, being overwhelm by mine.


I thought maybe fate meant for me to untangled all connections,
So I could be yours, clear and pure.
I thought maybe I could stirred your heart,
Like the impact of tsunami waves,
Started harmless, gently and soft,
But caused many tornados in your heart.


I thought you are my the other half,
Whom we meant to find in life after being sliced into half,
Maybe that is why we are born with a connecting seven dwafts,
And maybe the reason for us flying free now,
And maybe also the reason we crossed path in world stage.


I thought maybe I think too much,
Fallen too deep into my dreamy world,
Maybe you're just a character I'd made up,
To let myself smiles for a few days,
To find a reason to be happy again.

IS ENDING THE REAL BEGINNING?

I just noticed I always update my blog after my romance page's chapter had been turned. Well, I'd broke up with KS end of last year by gently hinting that the long holiday is our farewell holiday (albeit like the infamous Brad & Jennifer's last holiday b4 break-up). Argg...hate to admit, but what my bff warned me before is right " we are just to different in all aspects"! I do ask myself this, "He is still superb physically, with charming boyish look and cared for me deeply, but why I could not feel safe being with him? Or maybe, I'd finally grow up and accept the truth more readily than before. Realiasing my weaning feeling as the ending, and pain should not be prolonged further for everyone sake, for my biological clock state. Sometimes I do think, could I subconciously added catalyst for this relationship to develop due to my inner desire to be outta from the "decade-long, treasured relationship with J", I means to find a reason to convinced myself to take the step out (well, nothing moves me more than love, as love is what I basically lived for all my life).

The months followed is very hard to bear, having him crying and pleading almost on daily basis. I knew how he felt, he is cancerian as well....so I truly felt like a bastard, but I am also thankful for my decision as also during this time, I saw another side of him. Smashing his head & fist into my wall, screaming at me if I am seeing another man, threatening me if i want to see him dead....etc. I'd never had this kinda scares in my life, other than the robbery case back when I was 8 y/old. I was not afraid for I trust he would not harm me, but smashing his head till there are blood is not something in my list, I felt so at lost. But he never knew, what he did would only draw me further away from him, and I think for good. That is why in every relationship book, they always tell u not to get crazy over lost love/breakup, because if u do lost it, that scene will etched deeply in ur ex mind, and it will definitely be the end. Life is hectic enough to add another maniac drama. If I told my bff this, she will definitely goes "i told u so" so think I could only pour it here. But I am alright now, that is all that matter.

Hope he learned from this experiences and be more mature in dealing with his future break-up. Ironic, isn't it? If guys take breakup too seriously we labelled them as maniac, but if they do it New York style, we call them bastard/heartless. Maybe we only want the maniac one to be the one we still want, while the heartless one to be the one we no longer want to be associated with.

Longing

Missing you, though we never meet,
Wondering how I could fall for the words you'd inscribed on world stage,
Isn't love started from the shines?
The actual moment of locked eyes?
If so, why my heart aches,
Throbbing pain without seeing the smoothen dawn?

This fragile heart, started to dream before you'd ever knew its existance,
As Cinderella walking into palace, trying to vows your attention,
The shoe slip act locked her into the dreamscape,
Till her slumber goes deeper and deeper,
But the Prince no longer holding the glass,
Nor whispering his affection,
Maybe it's just a dream, or
Snow White ending is truly on the play,
Or maybe, hopefully,
The Prince is the real Sleeping Beauty in disguise.