New Year..Good Start...got interrupted!

From 30th night dinner to 3rd day, my life is still good....received confirmation call for projects and jobs, even during holiday. My bf protesting why cny also bz, but for me is good news as it did not interfere with my daily cny schedule but lifted my mood tremendeously. I wish he knew how good it really feel.

Everyone say I got good year ahead....as I have good gambling luck ...earn abit at granny place, friend and bf's relative place, but on the 4th....everything seems so bad, just the the good egg on your shelf suddenly turn bad....emitting bad odour. And this scenario really taken you by surprise...well...not the good kind.

On the 4th day, we have White Coffee cafe breakfast/lunch, then proceed to his aunt's place nearby. Then plan to eat dinner, and of course the idea of visiting our new place came up, but the mum always making serious protest, saying why go so far, just eat at one eatery nearby (which is the same place everytime plan to have dinner together , and that is so lame....ello....could you come up with somewhere more exciting....on CNY?). But of course, what do I know, the main point is not having somewhere far or near, she is protesting against goin to our place, saying go for what, etc. Well, since one the uncle insisting on visit so we all kinda agreed to have dinner nearby our place (young and old one as well..as never have it there..and is fun to try new restaurant). Then you see this rotten face again, but hell....I don't really give a damn as I don't even bother to look at her. But of course my spirit is high..and I smile throughout cny.


Good dinner, though the food could use more seasoning. High price but what the heck, is cny right. Then we proceed going to our home with 2 more cars following us closely. Well, same response as per our friend, good decor,etc. The main thing is enjoy sitting on the sofa and enjoying the av, and another uncle waiting to play mahjong. Then suddenly, the mum went crazy by screaming asking them to leave....that is late, next time you guys can come and slowly appreciate . Two families there....7 pax ..and we are enjoying their company as we are all talking in the living room happily at that time. His cousin lamented that we just got here, and the mum keep on repeating want to go home ...late and this and that. And someone ask her why so soon and I think she answered her other son (bf's step brother) about to return from jb (well, he went there since 2nd day to visit the gf) and also the husband. Duh...then ask them to come and fetch you. I means is rude to chase other ppl to fetch u home when that person is meant to stay, and this person has the whole family with him. Then I think I hear the someone complain why she need to be home as the time is only 10pm plus. And the next word....the elder son now fur and wings....can fly already, so she has to take care of the 2 men at home lah.... Later I found out that bf is not there at that moment as he already went out to get the car to show them the way out. I heard it as I am just right there at the door. maybe it's meant for me to hear , but I think she just pass the line. The aunts and uncles look at her wih wide eyes and open mouth, then turn the gase on me. I just manage to smile unwillingly, but now, I think i should shouted to her that I AM THE ONE NOT WILLING LET U SOME LIVE WITH US.....NOT YOUR POOR SANDWICHED SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't....maybe it's good to be able to keep my temper down, anyway, she look very over with her kinds of attitude.

Right on that moment, bf uncle and cousin ask me join them play mahjong at their house, since they don't get the chance to play just now. We did went, and the mum climb on the aunt's car, forcing the aun;t s children to ride on another uncle's car, so she made it clear that she is against us. But i think she is always do thing to inconvenience other ppl for her own preferences. I the way she shouted her anger on our doorstep signify this is a very calculative person. Definitely not a role model for buddhism and not teaching of buddhism as she claimed she has high knowledge on. Later i told bf about this as he did not know what happen. Her aunt's just told us later that the mum very noisy in their car on the rides back, blasting her eay drum non stop. Well, not the first time she bad mounted us..or maybe ME only...but really I don't care as long as I do not need to live with her.


When I told bf what happened, he sighed and went into this deep thinking, but quiet mode again. And asked me why must be this way...why can't we two be good to each another, saying he in between us very difficult. I asked him did he forgotten how she and the step family treated him b4? And he say what is gone cannot be calculated, should only think about future. What????? Whatever experience u have living with them, all the heartache is nothing? I tell him, it has been 8 years we did not stay with them.....since that day, the day they treated bf cruely, and will they really changed and be this angelic family member? Everything we did throughout the years, working hard, saving money and finally owning our warm nest, and now you expect me to just give in to your difficult mum until the day she died...probably another 20- 30years later??? Y would I put myself in such pitiful situation and constantly being tortured by such person. Wasn't my goal or anyone else goal in life to be happy always....longest possible? Why would my bf asking me to bear with the mum and ask me to suffer until the day she died....so that she could have nice ending in her life story.....while me miserable. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!I cried alots .....so I got terrible eyes the next day at work. Only slept for like 2 hrs or less......so head is spinning crazy now. he asked me why, I just say, why our love story always have problem from day 1???? he say not us..its him....his life.I also criedn because at the end..he still hope to change his mum fanatic ways and thinking, and could finally all stay together with his step dad and bro.Duh..............do you not see the main reason for me to shed tears......not because of the evil woman , but you who not willing to protect me when i did the same to you every now and then , not willing to let go of the mommy' boy tittle. Maybe..this is not his life...but is my curse for ignoring my parent's advise for him.

my soliditary days

Came back from Bangkok trip alone on 28th. The 2 days trip is good....shopping spree for my home stuff. Feel a bit lonely at first since parted with my bf in Bangkok airport. Wondering how weird life is as jx moments ago I am chatting happily with two of the dearest male figure in my life (brother&bf) while having lunch inside the terminal of a foreign land and now I am all alone lining up to check in my luggage. The lunch is kinda fun, in 4th floor there is on cafe in which you buy their card with baht 500 or 1000, then swipe your card to get the food u wanted from their bazaar type layout. Yum Yum...I got beef steak with vege and it only cost me Baht200, but their beverage kinda expensive ....baht120 for a canned juice (made in Thailand k, not imported 1). I try their kiwi juice...not recommended. JAL's skytime juice still the best, if I remember correctly should have kiwi as ingredient...arggh...can't recall, am i getting old?? One weird incident while lining up, I bend down to remove the past sticker tag and it still stuck. The passenger lining before me offer to help, and well...don't laugh...at this point most ppl will think is a handsome guy ya...coming to rescue poor me...but he is a kind old man. It's a embarrasing as I am supposed to be the one helping him, well.....he remind me of my grandpa, I means his gesture, his kindness, the one who don't speak much but quietly observing to help anyone anywhere. Miss him terribly.

Queue inside after boarding is not bad...smooth, not superlong like what my bf keep reminding me. Gotto kick him when I see him this coming Sat for bluffing me. As I walk and walk...the whole scenario remind me of the me 7-8 years back, travelling alone every summer break, cross seas, zone and worrying about jetlag. The me seeing the world, being in one part of the world every few months. How I miss this feeling, and I don't feel alone again, more like the little child looking at the big big world, seeing everything as if its the first time, and it feel good. Have I really pass 8 years of my life just like that....thinking back.....how come it seems like just yesterday..sigh. Ok, the rest of the flight jx normal....until i reached home. LCCT charge like RM52 to Klang Valley area and LCCT shop don't let me buy any liquor as they claimed I jx stay in bangkok less than 3 days or jx 3 days....blablabla....thought can have malibu later. But the cashier apologised...haha...well he is polite I guess...and he shouldn't have as the rules is not set by him.

For this past 2 days at home alone, life is ok.....just work, doing chores, doing some craft thing for my dear home....and of course watch some movies....we got like super cheap dvd from Bangkok shop....it range from baht9.90 for older movie to baht49.90 for 28days+weeks later set. Don't be fooled by malaysia store RM9.90 stuff as mostly is very poor quality. Don't know why, if you compared the record made in malaysia vs. record made in thailand, there will be a big difference in effect. We bought like 18pieces of dvd, but too bad could not get VAT return as that store did not give me the required form. Also did some mosaic thingy on Ikea frame....look cool...can't wait to put it up.


Reminder: Don't go Unico Leela Hotel, don't buy thing from patpong night market unless u know how much to slash...check out Chatuchak first. Patpong got good and cheap massage: Baht20 for leg/ thai massage 1 hr, Baht 40 for swedish/oil massage. Check our paragon dept store, got tons of cool stuff for home &craft.

Life is too predictable

Today awaken by my new Justin L ringtone, bad news, or maybe an expected norm but I haven't quite accepted it yet (maybe I still hope for miracle). How many time we always plan and hope and pray and wish but the outcome is completely not we wished for? Maybe if I had Aladdin lamp or Doraemon as pal could help, yeah dream on. Even though you could control your life perfectly, but definitely not able to contained a loved one's actions or bad habits. Especially this loved one is someone you could never ditch like a bf or friend. Hope one day he will finally come to his sense and have some self control, sparing everyone from misery.



Not enough of current torture, here come the drama with my bf. During dinner with he asked when will I reconcile with his mum. Telling me his mum asked what beef I had with her? How long it gonna last? Saying thing like "she is my mum". Completely ruining my dinner mood. I keep mum and don't even wanted to look at him throughout dinner. From that moment I kinda made up my mind for not getting married. When marriage will becomes a burden, I don't think any person with sanity will ever take this step. My plan is, if I never get marry, I will never have to call her mother, not compulsory to sit there and listen to her non stop nagging and cult fanaticism, and she won't have the right to just grab my future child and forve her thinking on them. maybe I am selfish but I have this strong feeling that I could not stand this character in long run, so let her some stay with me is no longer acceptable, the thought of being near her has even become almost repulsive. My bf must be outta his mind. He sees who she has become, and yet expect me to well...just ignore her words, gestures...then everything will be fine. Hello???Why would I ignore something which keep on repeating in front of me, why would I pretend to not hearing and seeing stuff, why would I blinded my eyes and block my hearing for her? Whenever she come up in our conversation, I will be furious with my bf. And to just imagine that feeling x by 5 years down the road in later years, I don't think my conscience will allow me to stay with this man and thus divorce is inevitable. So what is the point of marriage....just to burden myself with lawyer fees only. And what about child custody, what will the little one feel?? So, not being legally married could means I could walk outta the relationship anytime, and he might not have the equal right to claim our little one...good plus points.


For the past few months, we are seriously engaging in marriage talk, banquet, date,etc but I really don't think i will want to take this step. Her words still ringin in my ear.....after marriage you will be his family, no more your family.....you dead also your soul will be retained in the family, not yours family. Blek....I will be my family child no matter when or what happen! If it is so, then why would she marry another man (another family)? Didn't she already marry into the 1st family and has no more right? Didn't you just steal the only grandchild of one old lady whose dear son died and run away with another man, forbid the poor old lady seeing her grandchild? Hypocrite!! I really disrespect someone who say one thing and do another. maybe just my luck having the link to this negative character. I just dunno why bf not willing to sees her for what she really are, the ways she sided with the stepdad, blaming and causing hurt to him all those years. At first I thought I am really lucky to have ok future Mother in law, but well...as time goes by...yeah 6 years...is a pretty good time length to see someone through.

I knew he is in between us, and i do feel bad about that but I already see the problem, and why would I pretend otherwise? If I don't nip this at the bud, when it grow much much bigger then its too late. I could pretend nothing and keep smiling at her...but i really do not want to live like a hypocrite for the rest of my life....and the scenario might be within my own house. Day in day out like that...this is not the future I want. I want our home to be filled with joy and safe feeling, able to be myself, my true self and let all guard down after a hard day at work..and for my children to roam freely without worrying who might teach them fanatism teaching, etc. Hopefully he could reclaimed some of the past memories with her...so he will know what is bothering me....not needing to ask me why...and stop saying that "she is my mum" word on me again.I will smile whenever I liketo whoever I preferred, talk to whoever at whatever time I want, and stop anyone from telling me that after marriage I will no longer be my parent's daughter.

1st day of Blog...15th Jan (its 2am already)

1st entry on my blog. Finally made up my mind to channel this with symbolic nicky...so this little crabby could feel safe enough to crawl out of the shell. It's 2.10am now, could not zzz yet. Must be due to rushing to finish off 10 episode of new tvb drama until 7am yesterday. Woke up at 10am an rush to work. Monstrous red eyes, and I did look and feel crappy for the rest of the day.

Today's track:

Boss called, important meeting, rush to work. Everything looks normal except my little pond drained off more than 50% of its water volume, inspect every parts but no leakage found. felt dizzy for the whole day, kinda "high" feelin, hehe...never do drug but guess should be around the same outcome. So, just maybe, anyone addicted to those popping skull-holer could try my method to get the same effect. Successfully dragged through the day...ending with Kenny Roger's black pepper dinner, minor grocery shopping, and head home to fill up my half-empty pond. saw jusco having 20% discount on movies (READ:Japanese Horror movies), but reach my dvd quota already this month (bought 6 title already) so hang on. Maybe next month they will have further discount....(I always sooth myself this way).

I did not even do my laundry today as planned, and basically ignore Rocky while cleaning his area (he must hated me already for not spending as much time with him recently). Maybe tomorrow I wil try spend more time with him. Ok, my head start spinning already, later Roc..tomorrow.. there is always tomorrow...... sigh!!